T' University o' t' Third Degree - or Summat Like That !
A university, A thowt - at my age - a degree?
A'v' got mi bus-pass - chooffin' 'ell - that's nowt to do wi' me!
But then this bloke, 'e tells me "Nay - it's nowt like that at all!
Tha moant be gerrin' werried - just 'av' thissen a ball!
It's wot thi call 'ole-istic' (but nowt to do wi' oyls -
Soul an' mind an' body - not like them rotten schoyls!)
Tha cud do belly-dancin' (or maybe just spectate) (eyoop!)
Thiz walkin', singin', crown-green bowls - A'm tollin' theh, it's great!
An' everyone's that friendleh, tha'll mek a load o' pals
(Aar, theerz anuther thing - tha'll find a lot less blokes than gals!)
Of coorse, th'iz tuns er Culture - but that wayn't be fer thee!
Ten quid a year, and after that, t' vast bulk er t' stuff is free!
An' so A took 'im oop - and goodness me, would you credit it, just a few years down the line,
Here I am, perorating with all the mellifluous erudite fluency of an Oxford professor of philosophy
But, alas, I can no longer make my lines scan properly - nor for that matter, even rhyme!
Paul Whyman ("R-hymin' W-hyman" )